Monday, June 24, 2002

giving up the day

I don't like to go to bed. I don't like to give up the day. This is a bad thing.

I work in N. VA 35 miles from my home just south of Baltimore. If I don't leave at 6 AM I won't get to work in less than an hour and - more importantly - I won't be able to leave early enough in the afternoon to beat most of the traffic. It has taken me up to 2.5 hours to get home.

To do any intentional spiritual breathing before I start my day, I have to rise at 5 or 5:15 AM. That means I have to retire at 10-10:30 PM. It's now 11:12 PM and I've missed my mark.

Now tonight I feel like I have a good excuse. Beth and I just had kind of an intense (but good) talk and I need to wind down before I retire. But I think I've figured out why I hate to go to bed generally.

I want to be like God (not in a good way).

I think I want to have more day, more resources, more money, more information, more friends, more prestige.

I think I want to be like God.

I consider this fundamentally anthropocentric.

Instead I must acknowledget that I am weak.

I am limited.

I must give up the day and trust Him with what cannot be done today.

I must honor what I've learned the Quakers called "Quaker midnight."


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