Sunday, November 28, 2004

How to Win Friends & Influence People
by Dale Carnegie

Warning: This post would not qualify as pomoChristian Emergent turbocool. But it would be distinctly uncool of me not to post it on that account.

My company is sending me to Walt Disney World in a few days to participate in some circulation meetings and some training in December and I was asked to read this book. I enjoyed it and found it helpful. Many of the principles in the book could be characterized as Christian and one of the delightful features of the book is the wealth of illustrations in the book. Very readable.

One theme I appreciated in the book was the importance of sincerity. Carnegie is careful to emphasize that what he is teaching should not be used merely to get what one wants.

Here's a brief summary.

o Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

§ Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
§ Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
§ Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

o Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You.

§ Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
§ Principle 2: Smile.
§ Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
§ Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
§ Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
§ Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

o Part Three: How to Win People to your Way of Thinking

§ Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
§ Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
§ Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
§ Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
§ Principle 5: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
§ Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
§ Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
§ Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
§ Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
§ Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.
§ Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas.
§ Principle 12: Throw down a challenge.

o Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

§ Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
§ Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
§ Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
§ Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
§ Principle 5: Let the other person save face.
§ Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
§ Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
§ Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
§ Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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