but it's always like that

Since last Tuesday, I've been waiting for something. Putting it this way is a bit melodramatic (I think) but it has felt like I'm waiting for God to come through on something. Put more honestly and specifically, I'm waiting for God to allow or do something that I want Him to allow or to do.

So in the last couple of days, I've been more aware than usual of my contingency on God.

But here's the thing: I'm always contingent on God. The next beat of my heart will only occur because God in his grace and mercy allows it. I believe that it's only the confluence of my earnest desire and the likelihood of what I want to happen actually happening that's precipitating my hanging on to an illusion of greater contingency at this moment.

But the truth is that always "in him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28).

I need to remember this.