John La Grou on Marriage

Later today, John's speaking at a friend's wedding. Here's part of what he's going to say:

In tough times, you will remember how you waited a good third of your life to find each other: this memory will be a constant catalyst for healing and reconciliation

Know that sometimes marriage can be like a series of earthquakes. There’s a rule I want you always to remember – let’s call it the earthquake rule: when you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.

Marriage is a continual stream of ripples and waves, just like little earthquakes. But the reality of marriage is that you may not always be on each other’s wavelength. Tolstoy said it well: What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.

See, marriage isn’t about thinking alike, but thinking together. This means that rather than always being on the same wavelength, you’ll simply need to ride along with each others’ waves. When those magnitude 7.5 earthquakes rock your world, the marriage commitment keeps you together until the dust settles....

Jonathan Livingston Seagull author Eric Segal said love means never having to say you’re sorry. When I first heard that, I thought.. that’s nonsense! Married people do stupid things all the time – we always need to forgive each other. But as I thought more about it, I realized the truth in this saying. Forgiveness in a healthy marriage becomes more than words –more than an occasional conversation. Forgiveness becomes a state of being. The words forgiveness and marriage become almost interchangeable.

Taoist philosopher Lao Tzu said “marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.” The late Ruth Graham said “a happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

Marriage means you are no longer in control. You now belong to each other – you are connected in a mysterious, spiritual manner where two beings become united into one body and one heart. You, Ian, now belong to Kristin, and Kristin you now belong to Ian.